Last week I crashed yet again. I hadn’t done anything major; it wasn’t one of those times that I’d chosen to do something a little beyond my energy limits but decided to cope with the consequences, neither had I pushed myself, but I still crashed. It was really frustrating and I really wanted to know why. In fact, it became a bit of an obsession at first.
In a way, that’s kind of understandable. We want to understand why we’re suffering in order to try to avoid it happening again. However, when our energy is low, ruminating about what went wrong really isn’t the best way to spend those precious resources we have left.
When I was trying (and failing) to work out where I went wrong, I felt anxious and out of control. What I was paying my attention to, wasn’t doing my body any favours. Fortunately, I noticed that I was adding to the low mood that often accompanies a crash, with these obsessive thoughts. I was able to remind myself that whatever happened up until this moment was really rather irrelevant because it couldn’t be changed, what could make a difference now, was how I responded to it.
What I really needed in that moment was to be at peace with what was, so that my energy could be directed to my healing. When I reminded myself that I didn’t need to know the why, especially when my energy was so low, I was able to let go and find a way of distracting myself from the misery while I waited for the worst to pass. I know from experience that if I wait it out as restfully as possible, I’ll eventually find enough energy to invest in things that will help me pick up again. Letting go of that anxiety and that desperate need for control saved me a lot of energy which was slowing that process down!
When you’re in a crash it’s hard to remember what’s going to be helpful though, which is why I suggest making a crash first aid kit which includes a reminder of your strategies written on a postcard for easy referral. I’m definitely going to be adding to mine:
If working out what went wrong is going to be helpful to avoid future crashes, that can be looked at when the worst has past and my brain is working better. In the moment, when it first happens though we really don’t need to know why.
Do you find yourself wasting energy on the why? What will help you let it go?
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