This week I’ve had to make a very difficult decision. Because of some red tape I just wasn’t aware of I’ve lost a reduction in my self-employed social security contributions here in Spain. I was counting on that reduction to give me another year to build my business to a level where I could afford the full contribution. Unfortunately, I can no longer afford to run my business from Spain and have chosen to return to the UK where my social security payments will be more in line with my income.
Living the rural life here in Spain has been living a dream, in the last 3 months house sitting for friends has taken me even closer to a bigger dream, I’ve felt so blessed. And I’m not going to lie, taking the decision to move back to the UK was painful, I was gutted when I realised it was what I would have to do.
But here’s where I can be grateful for all the difficult challenges that I’ve had to deal with in life up until now. Once I made the decision, once I knew there was no other way, for now t least, I was able to let go and swiftly grieve to the point of acceptance. And acceptance is a powerful place. It means that all your resources can now be spent on adapting realistically to your current situation. Which gives you more control over influencing future outcomes.
One of the things that lead to my first recovery was realising how much trust could save me a lot of tension and energy and just how beneficial is it to my well-being. Whenever something difficult happened back then I would see it as an opportunity to choose to trust; to practise a new philosophy in life of going with the flow and believing all would work out. Believing each moment is perfect as it is, because you can learn from any challenges that are placed in your path.
Although I perhaps haven’t been quite so radical in my trust during this second phase of the illness, I have been aware of its power and have repeatedly put myself back on the path of trust whenever I’ve noticed I’d slipped of it.
Perhaps it’s the magnitude of this change that helped, but I was very quickly reminded that the best way to deal with having to let go of a dream was trusting that it would be a step to something better. And choosing to trust has been really quite easy, maybe because my body knows just how harmful it would be not to trust right now.
The here and the now
One of the things that helps this trusting state is to keep attention firmly fixed in the here and the now. I can’t know how the future is going to work out so it’s just not worth worrying about. I can however take whatever actions are available to me in this moment that will help me influence my future positively and then let go and see what happens.
Right now, I am focusing moment by moment on the actions I need to take to shut down my life here, one tiny step at a time. But in the background, I have this faith that my journey is leading me somewhere exciting. I need to keep myself as well as possible so that I can keep taking steps on my journey and that means trusting. I still have a dream, I will still use gratitude, appreciation, love, and visioning intentions to attract that dream, and I will stay open to all the opportunities that are coming my way.
The trust that I am on the path to something great, is the most helpful approach I can take to dealing with this current challenge.
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