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Self-Compassion: A Fundamental for Healing that We Just Don’t Practise Enough

Last week in a Facebook live broadcast I share why I believe self-compassion is an absolute fundamental that we just won’t heal without! But in case you’d rather read things than watch or you’d just like a written reminder, here’s why it s important!

The bottom line is that in order for our bodies to send its resources to healing it needs to be in a relaxed and peaceful state.

Whenever we resist something we introduce tension into our bodies. Self-compassion is like kryptonite for resistance, it just melts it away, allows our feelings to flow and allows our body to find a state of relaxation and peace again. And we need that peace to heal! If you can’t find self-compassion you will have no power over the tension of resistance and it will continue to keep you out of a state in which you can heal.

Unfortunately, we can spend an awful lot of our day not being kind to ourselves, especially when we just don’t have the energy to do what we want to do, or when we’re feeling low and tell ourselves that we shouldn’t. We can punish ourselves with all sorts of ‘should’s, that are just not possible to us with the energy we have. All these ‘should’s and ‘shouldn’t’s are a resistance to the way things are and bring tension into our bodies.

What sorts of ‘should’ thoughts do you punish yourself with?

So, whenever you find yourself giving yourself a hard time, remind yourself that you’re getting in the way of your healing. Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself, accept what is going on and choose to be kind to yourself about the way things are.

If you don’t like the situation you’re in, be kind to yourself about being in a situation you don’t like. Allow yourself to feel those feelings fully and offer yourself the acceptance and understanding that you would to a close friend or loved one.

If you find yourself pushing yourself to do something you haven’t really got the energy to do, be kind about the fact that you feel the urge to push yourself, but then also be kind about the fact that you just don’t have the energy.

If you find yourself being hard on yourself for something that you did, be kind to yourself about the fact that there were different needs within you exerting their pressure at the time, gently choose to forgive yourself and allow your feelings to be.

Often, we resist a situation because we don’t want to face the feelings we will have if we accept it, but that’s what we need to do…. With kindness.

Yesterday I wasn’t happy with the way I expressed myself in a particular situation and this morning I woke up with all sorts of thoughts about it: ‘you should have said this’ and ‘you should have said that’, and ‘you handled that badly’, and ‘why can’t you ever say what you need to say in that kind of situation’……

But when I realised how harsh I was being on myself and the tension I had in my body I realised I needed my self-compassion. I chose to accept that the situation turned out as it did, and I was washed with a feeling of sadness, I realised that my resistance wasn’t just about thinking I’d handled a situation badly but to the feelings that I was left with as a result of it. But I chose to be kind to myself about that and the feeling flowed and passed, and all of a sudden, I was at peace and relaxed again.

What have you been resisting today?

For tips on how to develop your self-compassion check out this blog post

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