This week I’ve been feeling quite low. There have probably been a number of contributors that are easy to recognise if I look for them, but the main result was a change in my biochemistry and a complete lack of motivation. One of the things that I realised was that looking back to work out what was going on, wasn’t particularly helpful as my thoughts about it all tended to add power to my negative feelings.
First there was the disappointing launch of my meditation program. Instead of compassionately understanding that I’m bound to feel a bit disheartened when something I’ve put so much work into doesn’t really go anywhere, I found myself adding extra meaning to the feelings: ‘all that work for practically nothing’ ‘what if I end up not being able to support myself’ ‘will I have enough money to stay is Spain if I keep failing?’ Well you can imagine the impact of these thoughts on how I was feeling! Fortunately though I caught myself at it. I realised that I was adding intensity with the meaning I was giving to my feelings. I decided I could just accept feeling low, go with it and get through it without having to add all this meaning.
Looking back can be useful if it helps you recognise how to make positive changes, but you also have to make sure you’re in the right frame of mind for thinking positively in the first place. Looking back I was able to recognise that my lack of motivation was added to, by the fact that during my busy week I’d hardy been outside in daylight and I’d only done my home yoga once. Positive thinking would encourage me to get back outside and get on with my yoga. However my motivation was so low at the time that the idea of getting out more and doing more yoga just felt like an added pressure and made me feel worse.
Basically in this situation the best I could do was just accept my feelings, sit with them and ride it out. And that was plenty good enough! Without the added meaning and the pressure that I should be doing something, the heaviness lifted slightly and all of a sudden I wanted to go for a short walk, a day or two later I wanted to do my yoga and today my motivation has improved so much that I’ve caught up with my essential work and am writing this blog post!
How do you add meaning to your feelings?
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